I began to wonder today if there is any connection to bipolar disorder and being a Highly Sensitive Person? I also wonder how many people that suffer from depression and anxiety are also an HSP? It seems logical that people with highly sensitive nervous systems living in this century would. Doesn't it? Doing anything I could to numb my senses from such an early age to the point of inducing a chemical imbalance. How many others have done this to themselves?
I now see that I had suffered depression and anxiety before my initial manic episode back in 2001. Maybe not to the degree that I began to suffer them after, but still, it was there. Senses that are oh so sensitive. Feeling things deeper, minds that are always assessing situations, ears that are sensitive to sound, noses that are sensitive to smells, skin easily irritated. Is it no wonder that we would also suffer from emotional discord as well. I find it interesting.
All of the books that I have read on the subject of HSP have really helped me see that there is no reason to numb myself anymore. I just have to make adjustments to my lifestyle to be a happy well adjusted individual. I no longer require medication to manage my bipolar tendencies either. Times of distress tempt me to go that route at times although I know that it is really unhealthy for me. Especially being a HSP. The side effects are just too great.
I recently read an article that Robert found titled Lifestyle and Mental Health from American Psychologist 2011 that completely validated my efforts over the past 6 years to change my lifestyle for greater health and well being. All of the TLC (Therapeutic Lifestyle Changes that were mentioned as options to medications and benefits to relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety, are things that I have added to my daily life. I wish the medical world would encourage people out there to do these things instead of turning them into guinea pigs to test their pharmaceutical concoctions. I guess it's up to me to try to get the word out there that you can live a healthier alternative contrary to what is being prescribed daily to so many.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Adult
It was during my "episodes" that I rediscovered how sensitive I was. To smells, sounds, stimulation, just about everything. I was hospitalized, observed, diagnosed and given lots of pills. Yea, not. I had 7 months of agoraphobia. Hated to leave the house and couldn't drive. I was miserable. Maybe my sensitivity is what caused the doctors such a hard time finding the right "concoction" to give me. I had reactions to a lot of them. I'm grateful to remember any of it at all. I would go from a size 3 to 13 in just months. Had to go on SSDI and give up a career that I worked very hard at building.
I can't remember when they found the right mix, that kind of agreed with me. I would be popping pills (for 6 years), seeing a shrink and going to lots of counseling as well. My favorite, Laurie, would help me learn my "triggers" and new coping skills that did not include "self medication". My biggest outlets where puzzles and crafts. They helped me keep my sanity. I had always been creative but it seems that during my "highs" as they called them my creativity would be at a peak. During my "lows" I didn't want to do anything but lie down and watch TV.
I had no idea the work that it would be to live as a HSP and be "bipolar" without the help of medication. It is really hard work! Luckily I would meet someone that would help me untangle myself from the many bad habits and addictions that would let me do just that. I would get off of all of the medications I was taking as well as Nicotine, Caffeine, Sugar, MSG and any and all chemicals (household, cosmetic, health and beauty, etc). While I am still Highly Sensitive and struggle with the ups and downs that come with bipolar, I am able to do it naturally. I try to avoid undue stress, triggers and chemicals. My coping strategies include; deep breathing and meditation, eating healthy, drinking good water, exercise and living in a relatively chemical free environment.
Why would I do all that you ask? To have a family. I would really like to have a child. At this time in my life, I am finally with the right person and have all of the skills to be a good parent. We've been trying for a few years now with no luck and began having some tests done last year. I've been told recently that things from my past may have caused my fallopian tubes to become scarred and inflamed. It is the reason for my infertility. I am taking a natural approach to hopefully reverse this abnormality with some supplements, treatments and good ole fashion faith. If I am unsuccessful, I am at peace that it wasn't meant to be. We have talked about adoption as well as fostering. I will just have to wait and see with fingers crossed. All would not have been for nothing though, I am so glad to have my physical health back.
I can't remember when they found the right mix, that kind of agreed with me. I would be popping pills (for 6 years), seeing a shrink and going to lots of counseling as well. My favorite, Laurie, would help me learn my "triggers" and new coping skills that did not include "self medication". My biggest outlets where puzzles and crafts. They helped me keep my sanity. I had always been creative but it seems that during my "highs" as they called them my creativity would be at a peak. During my "lows" I didn't want to do anything but lie down and watch TV.
I had no idea the work that it would be to live as a HSP and be "bipolar" without the help of medication. It is really hard work! Luckily I would meet someone that would help me untangle myself from the many bad habits and addictions that would let me do just that. I would get off of all of the medications I was taking as well as Nicotine, Caffeine, Sugar, MSG and any and all chemicals (household, cosmetic, health and beauty, etc). While I am still Highly Sensitive and struggle with the ups and downs that come with bipolar, I am able to do it naturally. I try to avoid undue stress, triggers and chemicals. My coping strategies include; deep breathing and meditation, eating healthy, drinking good water, exercise and living in a relatively chemical free environment.
Why would I do all that you ask? To have a family. I would really like to have a child. At this time in my life, I am finally with the right person and have all of the skills to be a good parent. We've been trying for a few years now with no luck and began having some tests done last year. I've been told recently that things from my past may have caused my fallopian tubes to become scarred and inflamed. It is the reason for my infertility. I am taking a natural approach to hopefully reverse this abnormality with some supplements, treatments and good ole fashion faith. If I am unsuccessful, I am at peace that it wasn't meant to be. We have talked about adoption as well as fostering. I will just have to wait and see with fingers crossed. All would not have been for nothing though, I am so glad to have my physical health back.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Young Adult
Left home to live with my fiancee at his parents home. Ugh, what a nutty place to live. Things went from okay to bad over the years. Got married two years after engagement and moved out for about a year before we had to move back in with his parents. He would have a hard time keeping a job over the years. Although things were not ideal, it was comfortable. I had been with him since I was 15. He was only 4 years older but like a father figure in some ways. Looking back, I was desperately afraid of change and confrontation. So the years went by and I didn't say much.
I always wanted a family but this guy could barely keep a job and got us into a lot of debt. I had no idea how we could ever afford to move out of his parents home or have children without going on welfare. On a trip out of state I realized that we could afford that family if only we would leave California. So upon my return I presented him with the idea. He said there was no way he would leave Cali or his family. So, six years into the marriage I gave him an ultimatum and said if he didn't ship up I was going to ship out. Two years later nothing had changed and I was out the door. Things got a little crazy after that.
I moved in with my dad and grandma. Started working lots of overtime trying to escape. Began using substances again and frequently, which led to a promiscuous lifestyle. I was struggling with what I had done with my life. Numbing myself became normal. I stopped eating regularly, would starve all day then over eat at night if at all. Burning the candle at both ends was bound to end in destruction. New Years eve 2001 was the breaking point. I used so many different substances that I had a chemical reaction that led to a psychotic break. I was only 28.
I always wanted a family but this guy could barely keep a job and got us into a lot of debt. I had no idea how we could ever afford to move out of his parents home or have children without going on welfare. On a trip out of state I realized that we could afford that family if only we would leave California. So upon my return I presented him with the idea. He said there was no way he would leave Cali or his family. So, six years into the marriage I gave him an ultimatum and said if he didn't ship up I was going to ship out. Two years later nothing had changed and I was out the door. Things got a little crazy after that.
I moved in with my dad and grandma. Started working lots of overtime trying to escape. Began using substances again and frequently, which led to a promiscuous lifestyle. I was struggling with what I had done with my life. Numbing myself became normal. I stopped eating regularly, would starve all day then over eat at night if at all. Burning the candle at both ends was bound to end in destruction. New Years eve 2001 was the breaking point. I used so many different substances that I had a chemical reaction that led to a psychotic break. I was only 28.
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