Left home to live with my fiancee at his parents home. Ugh, what a nutty place to live. Things went from okay to bad over the years. Got married two years after engagement and moved out for about a year before we had to move back in with his parents. He would have a hard time keeping a job over the years. Although things were not ideal, it was comfortable. I had been with him since I was 15. He was only 4 years older but like a father figure in some ways. Looking back, I was desperately afraid of change and confrontation. So the years went by and I didn't say much.
I always wanted a family but this guy could barely keep a job and got us into a lot of debt. I had no idea how we could ever afford to move out of his parents home or have children without going on welfare. On a trip out of state I realized that we could afford that family if only we would leave California. So upon my return I presented him with the idea. He said there was no way he would leave Cali or his family. So, six years into the marriage I gave him an ultimatum and said if he didn't ship up I was going to ship out. Two years later nothing had changed and I was out the door. Things got a little crazy after that.
I moved in with my dad and grandma. Started working lots of overtime trying to escape. Began using substances again and frequently, which led to a promiscuous lifestyle. I was struggling with what I had done with my life. Numbing myself became normal. I stopped eating regularly, would starve all day then over eat at night if at all. Burning the candle at both ends was bound to end in destruction. New Years eve 2001 was the breaking point. I used so many different substances that I had a chemical reaction that led to a psychotic break. I was only 28.
