Teens

I would start acting out more and more as the years go on. In seventh grade I would still be doing well in school and preforming excellent in Physical Education. I received "Gold shorts" for my excellent performance. What a difference a year would make. By eighth grade my school attention started to slip. I began to smoke more regularly and dabbled with alcohol and drugs. I began to forge notes to get out of PE as well. I would begin to hurt myself physically. At this time it was popular with the girls I hung with to carve your boyfriends initial in your skin in either your hand or ankle. An attempt to do that myself caused me to faint in class, hurt my wrist falling out of my chair and was sent home after seeing the nurse. Oh boy. I got into trouble all the time, trying to do grown up things so young. My parents didn't know what to do with me. I was so overwhelmed with feelings. There were tons of times I thought about suicide. I fantasized about jumping out of my bedroom window and took a handful of aspirin once. I'm not sure if I really wanted to die or just stop feeling.

So the desire to put an end to the extreme feelings I was having continued to lead me to use alcohol and drugs to numb myself more regularly. The lack of a father figure, mine was too busy at work all the time and unsure what to do with a growing daughter, led me to search out replacements with boys. By ninth grade I would basically drop out. I would get dropped off at school, but leave all day. Ended up flunking all my classes that year. Things would progress from stealing drugs and cigarettes from my parents to stealing money from my grandparents. I would run away and stay in a group home for a few months. Upon getting out I lived with my grandparents. During that time, my dad bought a home 45 minutes north. My boyfriend would convince me to join them as well. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. Although I did have to settle with a room in the garage. At least it was private. I was fortunate to attend a school that highly frowned on cutting class, thanks to living in the cut off of who would attend CHS and who would attend LHS. Hard work and dedication led to a diploma with 4 yrs of classes packed into 3 yrs. I was working part-time before graduation and it led to full time afterwards. Got engaged too young and left home. 

Pre-teens

My grade school memories are a bit stronger. I remember making friends pretty easy, being a good student and lots of play time. However, both my parents were smokers and smoked in our home. All three of us kids were effected with constant trips to the doctor with bronchitis, which meant lots of anti-biotic medications. We were also very picky eaters. None of us liked vegetables at all. Lots of sugar was served morning noon and night, like in most standard homes in these days. They were also big on partying. Lots of alcohol and drugs not always kept out of our reach. They were, after all,  hippies from the 70's.

By the time I hit my pre-teens and hormones were kicking in, I remember lots of inner turmoil. I felt things strongly anyways, but hormones made it near unbearable. I smoked my first cigarette and had my period in the same year when I was 12 years old. I would fall head over hills in love very quickly and very hard.  I so wish I knew then what I know now about HSP and ways to cope with over-stimulation without substances and drugs. My life would have been so different.

Childhood

I have recently concluded that indeed I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Reading the book by Elaine Aron written on this subject has brought me to self reflection. Looking back at my earliest memories and observing my immediate family I feel we are all HSP in some regard.  Just to varying degrees.

I don't have many memories from my first years. I feel most are just stories that were told to me.
First example, being told that mom was nursing me in the beginning until I bit her boob. I'm guessing that my sensitive digestion did not like her milk (she tells me she did not eat very healthy during her pregnancy). Hmm. Next example, my mom told me of many times as an infant and toddler that I did not want to go down for naps, crying hysterically. Dad confirmed that and said he would come home for lunch and take me for a drive around the block to get me to sleep. I wonder if that was part of my HSP trait? Over stimulated or feeling the energy of others around me? Mom said she felt that I didn't want to miss anything. Another example was that I would cry and scream when my mom would give me a bath. I kind of remember that. It would be when she would put me on my back to wash my hair. I was deathly afraid of that. Not sure if it was the water in my ears, fear of drowning or what. Poor mom nearly had a nervous breakdown every time. It must have been hard not knowing that I was just born HSP.

Mom was a stay at home housewife and dad worked long hours. We grew up in a very lovely town. I was their first child. They had me when they were 18 and 19. Very young. Mom had four siblings and had some experience with children. Dad was the youngest of three and did not. Dad wasn't ready to be a father and mom knew she had to get married if she was pregnant. Very taboo in those days not to. She married a high school friend. Named me after him. That only lasted a short time and at age 3 my parents married. My dad had to adopt me and they changed my name. I didn't find this information out until my teens. So, first born meant I got a lot of attention from uncles, aunts and grandparents. Had mom and dad alone for almost a year.

My nurturing instincts kicked in when my brothers arrived. I was almost 4 when the first of two came along. I remember playing with him and caring for him right away. He was such a happy, smiling baby. Not very fussy at all. I don't remember any instances where I was having problems with any of my inherent HSP traits, as far I can recall. Brother number two came along at 5 1/2. He is also an HSP. He was very fussy, constipated and a little more to handle. Still fun to play with though. I can't remember noticing any sensitivities to anything in particular at that time of my life. Although we were all very picky eaters. Mom became a short order cook just to make sure we all ate well. We lived in a wonderful neighbor hood. Lots of kids to play with. We all did pretty good in school up til 6th grade.