Teens

I would start acting out more and more as the years go on. In seventh grade I would still be doing well in school and preforming excellent in Physical Education. I received "Gold shorts" for my excellent performance. What a difference a year would make. By eighth grade my school attention started to slip. I began to smoke more regularly and dabbled with alcohol and drugs. I began to forge notes to get out of PE as well. I would begin to hurt myself physically. At this time it was popular with the girls I hung with to carve your boyfriends initial in your skin in either your hand or ankle. An attempt to do that myself caused me to faint in class, hurt my wrist falling out of my chair and was sent home after seeing the nurse. Oh boy. I got into trouble all the time, trying to do grown up things so young. My parents didn't know what to do with me. I was so overwhelmed with feelings. There were tons of times I thought about suicide. I fantasized about jumping out of my bedroom window and took a handful of aspirin once. I'm not sure if I really wanted to die or just stop feeling.

So the desire to put an end to the extreme feelings I was having continued to lead me to use alcohol and drugs to numb myself more regularly. The lack of a father figure, mine was too busy at work all the time and unsure what to do with a growing daughter, led me to search out replacements with boys. By ninth grade I would basically drop out. I would get dropped off at school, but leave all day. Ended up flunking all my classes that year. Things would progress from stealing drugs and cigarettes from my parents to stealing money from my grandparents. I would run away and stay in a group home for a few months. Upon getting out I lived with my grandparents. During that time, my dad bought a home 45 minutes north. My boyfriend would convince me to join them as well. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. Although I did have to settle with a room in the garage. At least it was private. I was fortunate to attend a school that highly frowned on cutting class, thanks to living in the cut off of who would attend CHS and who would attend LHS. Hard work and dedication led to a diploma with 4 yrs of classes packed into 3 yrs. I was working part-time before graduation and it led to full time afterwards. Got engaged too young and left home.