HSP- Bipolar Disorder Connection?

I began to wonder today if there is any connection to bipolar disorder and being a Highly Sensitive Person? I also wonder how many people that suffer from depression and anxiety are also an HSP? It seems logical that people with highly sensitive nervous systems living in this century would. Doesn't it? Doing anything I could to numb my senses from such an early age to the point of inducing a chemical imbalance. How many others have done this to themselves?
 I now see that I had suffered depression and anxiety before my initial manic episode back in 2001. Maybe not to the degree that I began to suffer them after, but still, it was there. Senses that are oh so sensitive. Feeling things deeper, minds that are always assessing situations, ears that are sensitive to sound, noses that are sensitive to smells, skin easily irritated. Is it no wonder that we would also suffer from emotional discord as well. I find it interesting.
 All of the books that I have read on the subject of HSP have really helped me see that there is no reason to numb myself anymore. I just have to make adjustments to my lifestyle to be a happy well adjusted individual. I no longer require medication to manage my bipolar tendencies either. Times of distress tempt me to go that route at times although I know that it is really unhealthy for me. Especially being a HSP. The side effects are just too great.
 I recently read an article that Robert found titled Lifestyle and Mental Health from American Psychologist 2011 that completely validated my efforts over the past 6 years to change my lifestyle for greater health and well being. All of the TLC (Therapeutic Lifestyle Changes that were mentioned as options to medications and benefits to relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety, are things that I have added to my daily life. I wish the medical world would encourage people out there to do these things instead of turning them into guinea pigs to test their pharmaceutical concoctions. I guess it's up to me to try to get the word out there that you can live a healthier alternative contrary to what is being prescribed daily to so many.

Adult

It was during my "episodes" that I rediscovered how sensitive I was. To smells, sounds, stimulation, just about everything. I was hospitalized, observed, diagnosed and given lots of pills. Yea, not. I had 7 months of agoraphobia. Hated to leave the house and couldn't drive. I was miserable. Maybe my sensitivity is what caused the doctors such a hard time finding the right "concoction" to give me. I had reactions to a lot of them. I'm grateful to remember any of it at all. I would go from a size 3 to 13 in just months. Had to go on SSDI and give up a career that I worked very hard at building.

I can't remember when they found the right mix, that kind of agreed with me. I would be popping pills (for 6 years), seeing a shrink and going to lots of counseling as well. My favorite, Laurie, would help me learn my "triggers" and new coping skills that did not include "self medication".  My biggest outlets where puzzles and crafts. They helped me keep my sanity. I had always been creative but it seems that during my "highs" as they called them my creativity would be at a peak. During my "lows" I didn't want to do anything but lie down and watch TV.

I had no idea the work that it would be to live as a HSP and be "bipolar" without the help of medication. It is really hard work! Luckily I would meet someone that would help me untangle myself from the many bad habits and addictions that would let me do just that. I would get off of all of the medications I was taking as well as Nicotine, Caffeine, Sugar, MSG and any and all chemicals (household, cosmetic, health and beauty, etc). While I am still Highly Sensitive and struggle with the ups and downs that come with bipolar, I am able to do it naturally. I try to avoid undue stress, triggers and chemicals. My coping strategies include; deep breathing and meditation, eating healthy, drinking good water, exercise and living in a relatively chemical free environment.

Why would I do all that you ask? To have a family. I would really like to have a child. At this time in my life, I am finally with the right person and have all of the skills to be a good parent. We've been trying for a few years now with no luck and began having some tests done last year. I've been told recently that things from my past may have caused my fallopian tubes to become scarred and inflamed. It is the reason for my infertility. I am taking a natural approach to hopefully reverse this abnormality with some supplements, treatments and good ole fashion faith. If I am unsuccessful, I am at peace that it wasn't meant to be. We have talked about adoption as well as fostering. I will just have to wait and see with fingers crossed. All would not have been for nothing though, I am so glad to have my physical health back.

Young Adult

Left home to live with my fiancee at his parents home. Ugh, what a nutty place to live. Things went from okay to bad over the years. Got married two years after engagement and moved out for about a year before we had to move back in with his parents. He would have a hard time keeping a job over the years. Although things were not ideal, it was comfortable. I had been with him since I was 15. He was only 4 years older but like a father figure in some ways. Looking back, I was desperately afraid of change and confrontation. So the years went by and I didn't say much.

I always wanted a family but this guy could barely keep a job and got us into a lot of debt. I had no idea how we could ever afford to move out of his parents home or have children without going on welfare. On a trip out of state I realized that we could afford that family if only we would leave California. So upon my return I presented him with the idea. He said there was no way he would leave Cali or his family. So, six years into the marriage I gave him an ultimatum and said if he didn't ship up I was going to ship out. Two years later nothing had changed and I was out the door. Things got a little crazy after that.

I moved in with my dad and grandma. Started working lots of overtime trying to escape. Began using substances again and frequently, which led to a promiscuous lifestyle. I was struggling with what I had done with my life. Numbing myself became normal. I stopped eating regularly, would starve all day then over eat at night if at all. Burning the candle at both ends was bound to end in destruction. New Years eve 2001 was the breaking point. I used so many different substances that I had a chemical reaction that led to a psychotic break. I was only 28.

Teens

I would start acting out more and more as the years go on. In seventh grade I would still be doing well in school and preforming excellent in Physical Education. I received "Gold shorts" for my excellent performance. What a difference a year would make. By eighth grade my school attention started to slip. I began to smoke more regularly and dabbled with alcohol and drugs. I began to forge notes to get out of PE as well. I would begin to hurt myself physically. At this time it was popular with the girls I hung with to carve your boyfriends initial in your skin in either your hand or ankle. An attempt to do that myself caused me to faint in class, hurt my wrist falling out of my chair and was sent home after seeing the nurse. Oh boy. I got into trouble all the time, trying to do grown up things so young. My parents didn't know what to do with me. I was so overwhelmed with feelings. There were tons of times I thought about suicide. I fantasized about jumping out of my bedroom window and took a handful of aspirin once. I'm not sure if I really wanted to die or just stop feeling.

So the desire to put an end to the extreme feelings I was having continued to lead me to use alcohol and drugs to numb myself more regularly. The lack of a father figure, mine was too busy at work all the time and unsure what to do with a growing daughter, led me to search out replacements with boys. By ninth grade I would basically drop out. I would get dropped off at school, but leave all day. Ended up flunking all my classes that year. Things would progress from stealing drugs and cigarettes from my parents to stealing money from my grandparents. I would run away and stay in a group home for a few months. Upon getting out I lived with my grandparents. During that time, my dad bought a home 45 minutes north. My boyfriend would convince me to join them as well. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. Although I did have to settle with a room in the garage. At least it was private. I was fortunate to attend a school that highly frowned on cutting class, thanks to living in the cut off of who would attend CHS and who would attend LHS. Hard work and dedication led to a diploma with 4 yrs of classes packed into 3 yrs. I was working part-time before graduation and it led to full time afterwards. Got engaged too young and left home. 

Pre-teens

My grade school memories are a bit stronger. I remember making friends pretty easy, being a good student and lots of play time. However, both my parents were smokers and smoked in our home. All three of us kids were effected with constant trips to the doctor with bronchitis, which meant lots of anti-biotic medications. We were also very picky eaters. None of us liked vegetables at all. Lots of sugar was served morning noon and night, like in most standard homes in these days. They were also big on partying. Lots of alcohol and drugs not always kept out of our reach. They were, after all,  hippies from the 70's.

By the time I hit my pre-teens and hormones were kicking in, I remember lots of inner turmoil. I felt things strongly anyways, but hormones made it near unbearable. I smoked my first cigarette and had my period in the same year when I was 12 years old. I would fall head over hills in love very quickly and very hard.  I so wish I knew then what I know now about HSP and ways to cope with over-stimulation without substances and drugs. My life would have been so different.

Childhood

I have recently concluded that indeed I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Reading the book by Elaine Aron written on this subject has brought me to self reflection. Looking back at my earliest memories and observing my immediate family I feel we are all HSP in some regard.  Just to varying degrees.

I don't have many memories from my first years. I feel most are just stories that were told to me.
First example, being told that mom was nursing me in the beginning until I bit her boob. I'm guessing that my sensitive digestion did not like her milk (she tells me she did not eat very healthy during her pregnancy). Hmm. Next example, my mom told me of many times as an infant and toddler that I did not want to go down for naps, crying hysterically. Dad confirmed that and said he would come home for lunch and take me for a drive around the block to get me to sleep. I wonder if that was part of my HSP trait? Over stimulated or feeling the energy of others around me? Mom said she felt that I didn't want to miss anything. Another example was that I would cry and scream when my mom would give me a bath. I kind of remember that. It would be when she would put me on my back to wash my hair. I was deathly afraid of that. Not sure if it was the water in my ears, fear of drowning or what. Poor mom nearly had a nervous breakdown every time. It must have been hard not knowing that I was just born HSP.

Mom was a stay at home housewife and dad worked long hours. We grew up in a very lovely town. I was their first child. They had me when they were 18 and 19. Very young. Mom had four siblings and had some experience with children. Dad was the youngest of three and did not. Dad wasn't ready to be a father and mom knew she had to get married if she was pregnant. Very taboo in those days not to. She married a high school friend. Named me after him. That only lasted a short time and at age 3 my parents married. My dad had to adopt me and they changed my name. I didn't find this information out until my teens. So, first born meant I got a lot of attention from uncles, aunts and grandparents. Had mom and dad alone for almost a year.

My nurturing instincts kicked in when my brothers arrived. I was almost 4 when the first of two came along. I remember playing with him and caring for him right away. He was such a happy, smiling baby. Not very fussy at all. I don't remember any instances where I was having problems with any of my inherent HSP traits, as far I can recall. Brother number two came along at 5 1/2. He is also an HSP. He was very fussy, constipated and a little more to handle. Still fun to play with though. I can't remember noticing any sensitivities to anything in particular at that time of my life. Although we were all very picky eaters. Mom became a short order cook just to make sure we all ate well. We lived in a wonderful neighbor hood. Lots of kids to play with. We all did pretty good in school up til 6th grade.