It was during my "episodes" that I rediscovered how sensitive I was. To smells, sounds, stimulation, just about everything. I was hospitalized, observed, diagnosed and given lots of pills. Yea, not. I had 7 months of agoraphobia. Hated to leave the house and couldn't drive. I was miserable. Maybe my sensitivity is what caused the doctors such a hard time finding the right "concoction" to give me. I had reactions to a lot of them. I'm grateful to remember any of it at all. I would go from a size 3 to 13 in just months. Had to go on SSDI and give up a career that I worked very hard at building.
I can't remember when they found the right mix, that kind of agreed with me. I would be popping pills (for 6 years), seeing a shrink and going to lots of counseling as well. My favorite, Laurie, would help me learn my "triggers" and new coping skills that did not include "self medication". My biggest outlets where puzzles and crafts. They helped me keep my sanity. I had always been creative but it seems that during my "highs" as they called them my creativity would be at a peak. During my "lows" I didn't want to do anything but lie down and watch TV.
I had no idea the work that it would be to live as a HSP and be "bipolar" without the help of medication. It is really hard work! Luckily I would meet someone that would help me untangle myself from the many bad habits and addictions that would let me do just that. I would get off of all of the medications I was taking as well as Nicotine, Caffeine, Sugar, MSG and any and all chemicals (household, cosmetic, health and beauty, etc). While I am still Highly Sensitive and struggle with the ups and downs that come with bipolar, I am able to do it naturally. I try to avoid undue stress, triggers and chemicals. My coping strategies include; deep breathing and meditation, eating healthy, drinking good water, exercise and living in a relatively chemical free environment.
Why would I do all that you ask? To have a family. I would really like to have a child. At this time in my life, I am finally with the right person and have all of the skills to be a good parent. We've been trying for a few years now with no luck and began having some tests done last year. I've been told recently that things from my past may have caused my fallopian tubes to become scarred and inflamed. It is the reason for my infertility. I am taking a natural approach to hopefully reverse this abnormality with some supplements, treatments and good ole fashion faith. If I am unsuccessful, I am at peace that it wasn't meant to be. We have talked about adoption as well as fostering. I will just have to wait and see with fingers crossed. All would not have been for nothing though, I am so glad to have my physical health back.
